Lightly

It’s dark because you are trying too hard. Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly...

-Aldous Huxley

I’m learning to trust the wisdom of this quote and the deeper meaning of life it reflects.

This column has become my teacher in that regard.

Each week, I start with a blank slate and typically write in an aimless direction for a few days—flitting from theme to theme.

I observe how my mind’s increasingly nagging desire to force the answer only pushes it further away. 

But when I relax and allow for the free flow and association of ideas to pour out, what I’m calling for often arrives unbidden.

It’s a parallel for the constant tug-of-war between controlling and letting go that infuses so much of life, often without our realizing it. 

That’s the truth the quote is pointing us toward—when we grip too tightly, we tangle ourselves in knots. But if we loosen, even slightly, the tension eases.

The 85% Rule 

When we push too hard, we diminish our capacity to perform.

Carl Lewis, running legend and 9 time Olympic gold medalist, exemplified how balancing effort with ease creates superior performance.

“The Master finisher” was notorious for slow starts. While others strained and burst out the gates with max effort,  Lewis appeared loose and fluid. Inevitably his competition would decelerate as Lewis appeared to gain speed. His power overcame them down the stretch. 

This style became known as the 85% rule. Instead of running at 100% intensity and burning out quickly, allowing for space and ease to perform better, longer.

Neuroscientists refer to it as the “Goldilocks zone” where the balance of stress, presence, and motivation are calibrated to create the optimal brain state.

Self-awareness and emotional regulation are keys to finding this balance. Neither skill comes naturally. 

Yet they are critical not just for athletic performance, but for navigating everyday life in the modern world. 

Everyday Knots

Reflecting on this balance between forcing and allowing reveals how omnipresent it is.

How often over 18 years of marriage I’ve twisted myself in knots. Trapped in my own perspective instead of stepping into another equally valid, if seemingly foreign, point of view. 

The inner tension that comes from expecting my kids to show gratitude for a life they’ve always known. But how can they appreciate what they’ve never gone without?

Work? POLITICS!? CALGON TAKE ME AWAY! (h/t to the iconic 1980s bath product commercial)

Wherever other humans are involved, we must grapple with the need to balance our felt experience with the perspective of another.

Each day is littered with emotional landmines that knock us sideways before we know what’s hit us. Our responses are immediate and automatic. 

But with practice and intention, we can begin to create a small space between stimulus and response. 

Over time, a hard but certain truth becomes evident. We make ourselves miserable.

Our own subconscious needs and desires, projected outwards, are the root cause of all our suffering.

Letting Go

All life moves in cycles beyond our control. From the ebbs and flows of seasonal change to the expansion and contraction of each life giving breath. 

We live our lives within the dance of these opposing forces. Our inner lives are a mirror of this larger reality

When we understand and accept the futility of resisting what we don’t control. When we awaken to the immense power our own uninterrogated subconscious exerts over our mental health and well being. 

When we accept accountability and ownership of our minds, we begin to tap into a peace that’s been hiding in plain sight all along.

That peace allows us to let go of the need to control, and harness the awesome power of the natural rhythms and energy of life.

I've been learning this lesson slowly over the years. That the peace I’m chasing can’t be caught by force. 

It only appears when I stop trying so hard to find it.

Go lightly on this journey my friends.

-Coach Kris

P.S. I only recently found this Huxley poem and know I’ll carry it close the rest of my days.

It’s dark because you are trying too hard.

Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly.
Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply.
Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them.

I was so preposterously serious in those days, such a humorless little prig.
Lightly, lightly – it’s the best advice ever given me…

So throw away your baggage and go forward.
There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet,
trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair.
That’s why you must walk so lightly.
Lightly my darling… – Aldous Huxley

P.S.S. - I first learned of the 85% Rule a few years ago from Hugh Jackman in a conversation with Tim Ferris. As it resurfaced in writing this week, I found this wonderful breakdown of his generational talent.