“Learning how to think really means learning how to exercise some control over how and what you think. It means being conscious and aware enough to choose what you pay attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience.” - David Foster Wallace (excerpt from his “This is Water”)

Our perspective is the lens through which we experience the world. It’s the story we tell ourselves about why things are the way they are.

And like any story, it can either empower or limit us.

Some perspectives shift easily. Others—especially the ones about who we are—become so ingrained that they harden over time, shaping our beliefs and restricting our potential.

We are always in a perspective. And we always have a choice to choose a new perspective.

Easier said than done.

Embracing this mindset requires overriding the hardwiring of that 2.5 million year old machine in our heads.

Recognizing we have a choice is only the first step. The real challenge is breaking free from the mental autopilot that keeps us stuck. That’s where reappraisal—the ability to consciously reframe our perspective—becomes our most powerful tool.”

In that choice is freedom to create our reality.

From minor everyday challenges to the acute moments of upheaval and distress, our lives can be defined, and always re-defined, by the perspectives we choose.

Choosing Our Struggle

This past Tuesday morning, my legs and lungs were on fire. Sweat poured from my brow as I neared the end of a grueling and intense peloton Tabata ride.

My mind was screaming “STOP! JUST STOP PEDALING!”

Then the instructor yelled “this struggle right here is where the strength builds!”

Instantly, I reframed the pain—not as suffering, but as proof of growth. I pushed harder.

And then, I collapsed

In that moment, my mind re-appraised the signal of suffering into a catalyst to push through. I literally switched the neural signal, just for a moment, to harness the power of my mind to push harder instead of give up.

Your mind always quits before your body.

It’s that intentional reframe of emotion that helps us push through any challenge.

The intention is borne from motivation to accomplish something that makes the struggle worthwhile.

In this example, I’m leveraging my motivation to finally finish a triathlon in under three hours. I’ve just started training for my sixth race this summer.

Daily life gives us an endless opportunities to do these mental “reps.” Reframing the moments of minor frustration, major emotion, or any other situation we want to think about differently.

Strong emotional responses are always a good clue that we’re stuck in an unhelpful perspective. Whether we choose to understand and leverage them is a matter of motivation.

When Adversity Chooses Us

I do triathlons to raise money for epilepsy research. In 2013, my then 10 month old son had his first seizure. Without question, the hardest experience of my life.

I did not choose that struggle. Our worst experiences don’t ask for permission.

In the moment and days that followed, survival was all that mattered. There was no room for reframing—only raw fear.

But over time, as I lived with this new reality, I realized I had a choice: resist the suffering and let it consume me, or embrace it and ask, ‘What can this teach me?’

My perspective on that traumatic experience has shifted. I now count it as perhaps the greatest gift my life has given me.

I didn’t flip a switch. But I felt the potential of that shift in small ways that snowballed over time.

My daily meditation practice was born from this experience. The practice of building my conscious awareness of my inner world continues to open new dimensions in my life.

It enabled me to start catching the moments when my mind was spiraling more often.

It created a profound sense of gratitude for each new day that we weren’t in a hospital.

It reminded me that a healthy tomorrow isn’t guaranteed for anyone, not my son, or anyone I love and care about.

The balance shifted to spending more time being grateful for the ordinary daily moments than worrying about him, or anyone I loved.

That gratitude has spread like wildfire to a deep appreciation for everything in this life.

Don’t get me wrong, I still regularly have to arrest my thoughts from spiraling into a deep fear.

Especially as he approaches puberty, and the uncertainty of how the immense brain changes of that stage will impact him.

But I’m in control now. I use that fear as my cue. I allow it, I know suppressing it won’t make it go away, just go hide in my body.

So I take a breath. I bring myself present using the tools I’ve developed and realize it isn’t actually happening. And I’ll become grateful for what is.

And if he’s nearby, like he is right now, I ask him for a hug (or I’ll steal one).

He’s unaware of how profoundly that moment heals me.

The Sage Perspective

So how do we shift? To make a conscious choice of our experience instead of letting the subconscious programming drive our behavior.

Awareness is the first step. The recognition of the story that we choose to believe and where the source of that story comes from.

I practice and use a powerful tool in my personal journey, and my coaching practice, called Positive Intelligence (PQ). This program is grounded in practical neuroscience but unlocks the door to a profound new way to experience life.

At it’s core is understanding that we all have access to a “Sage” perspective that helps us reframe every challenge as an opportunity.

But most of us have spent a lifetime strengthening our inner Saboteur pathways—the part of us that clings to old, limiting beliefs.

PQ helps train the mind to override that conditioning, creating space to choose a new perspective.

*a simple illustration of a radical shift*

This is not an overnight process. It is a journey.

The more awareness you create of your own inner world, the more you realize how much is there to be explored. That exploration never ends.

However it doesn’t take long to realize how powerful the gravitational pull of our autopilot perspectives are.

Like gravity, they operate invisibly and influence every aspect of our lives.

This is why as you develop the strength to witness your perspective and alter the choice, it begins to feel like a super power.

You can defy that self imposed gravity. (cue the Wicked Soundtrack!)

And like the lyrics of that song (that’s now stuck in your head) suggest, something inside of you will change.

You will wake up to a new reality and the incredible potential you have to accomplish literally anything you want to in your life.

We are always in a perspective. And we always have the power to choose a new one.

The question is—will you?

Some choices require more mental strength than others. Start small.

Catch one negative thought. Reframe it. Choose to see the challenge as an opportunity. And watch how your world begins to shift.

-Coach Kris

P.S. David Foster Wallace’s full speech is a remarkable source of wisdom on the power of our perspective. It’s delivered to an audience of new college graduates who are just about to begin their journey into this realization.

P.P.S. If the Positive Intelligence concept intrigues you, click below for a free assessment of your unique saboteur profile and an overview on the concept. I also offer free review sessions of those results that enable you to put this concept and learnings to immediate use.

The Power of Perspective

Doing v Being

Intention + Attention = Change